There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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