my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize