Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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