Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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