I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize