So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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