The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize