My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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