okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize