Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize