I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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