Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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