just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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