3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize