Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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