I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
