The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize