Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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