the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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