In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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