i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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