Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
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Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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