I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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