I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can feel your judgement through the phone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize