His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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