We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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