Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize