I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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