My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
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I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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