She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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