It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize