I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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