Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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