you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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