I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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