We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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