just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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