ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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