Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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