You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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