she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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