I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize