My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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