If that was your dad, he is hot
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize