Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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