My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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