It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize