dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize