quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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