We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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