Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize