I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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