i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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