ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize